Ai

Night has been so loud lately. Not the peace I’m used to. Crashing, screaming, fury. I’m tired and, so often, I am scared.

I lay in bed and the commotion is so close. I do not move. I side with the Yihequan and their fight is my own, but as I lay here next to Lim and our new baby I’m just afraid. The violence is too much.

My baby girl complains loudly from her spot between Lim and I. His eyes crack open as her tiny mouth opens with such loud cries. I scoop her up and cuddle her close to my breast. Lim wraps his arms around both of us and the slight chill under my skin starts to fade.

But the crashing outside gets closer. And then there is something else. A crackling. The sky turns from night to day, but how?

Fire.

I can feel the heat. Lim and I are out of bed in an instant, but where do we go? He hauls us toward the door but outside is a wall of flame. That’s not the way out. We turn and our baby is crying and shaking in my arms. Smoke is creeping into our house.

The walls are tinged an off-putting yellow color. I don’t know where the hue comes from but I’m keen to avoid it. I swear I see movement in the shadows. A laugh? I’m sure I’ve heard one. Lim is screaming but I cannot understand him. Someone is in our home. The fire traps us here and whoever is in here with us is going to make sure we don’t see the morning.

Tears are running down my face. I head to a window. If I can’t escape, my daughter can. She is only three weeks old. Will someone take her when I am gone? But there is no way out for her either.

We move from window to window and try the door again. No way is safe. The fire is creeping in and we can’t stay here.

Slamming the door open is a mistake. The wave of heat rushes over my body. It is hot. It burns. And the laughter surrounds me and drowns out my screams.