Aadli

The leaders spoke to me. They said I am of the age to marry and since my family is gone, they had to pick a suitable husband for me. I’m not interested in anyone in this village, but it seems I have no say in this matter.

I already know who they are considering, and I don’t know what to do.

I met Bher when we were small children. He lives in the house next to mine. He always smiles at me and I know I’m his only friend. He’s strange and angry and coarse, but he’s like a brother.

How do I marry my brother?

He’s not someone I want to spend my life with. While we walked to market today, he brought up that his father wants him to marry. I pretended to know nothing. I asked him who he was hoping they picked, and he looked at me in a way that I know means me. I asked him if he was interested in Sotera. She lives across the road from us. He never talks to her, but all the boys speak of her and desire her. He got very weird when I brought her up like he was embarrassed and hope it’s because he is interested in her.

Maybe I’ve just mistaken his intentions this whole time. Maybe I’m just a sister to him. I hope his father suggested Sotera as a match.

I watched Bher as we walked. He’s handsome, but there is something that burns behind his eyes I have never understood. He’s always so kind to me, but he’s either indifferent or angry at everyone else. He says I calm him. That I’m the only one who understands him and doesn’t treat him as an outsider.

Why am I special?

If the leaders pick me, I’ll be married before my next birthday. What will be different? Will I grow to love him?

Do I already? I think so, but maybe not in the way I’ve seen others love.

He tried to kiss me last spring. When I pushed him away, I saw anger in his eyes. I’m very familiar with the look, but it’s never been directed at me. He tried again. He tried with force, but I slipped away.

After he said he was drunk and couldn’t be held responsible. He never brought it up again. I did when he told me his family wanted us to marry, but the look in his eyes silenced me.

Two nights ago, I snuck out of my home when I should have been sleeping. I didn’t plan to leave; I was just restless. At the lake, I met a girl slightly older than me. She said she often wandered at night. She comes from a settlement a two day’s ride away. I’ve never been there, though our traders ride there occasionally.

If the leaders match me with my neighbor I will run away. I will vanish in the night. If I see the girl at the lake again, I will ask her for help. I don’t know where I will go if she refuses but I know I do not want to spend the rest of my days with a man who can look at me with those eyes.