Abahai

My life is unconventional and full of secrets.

My husband is an important man, and he is kind to me. We are rich, and our house is grand. We love each other, but we are both in love with other people. Other men.

It seems silly to me that he can’t tell the world who he’s truly in love with, but who am I to argue? So, I don’t. He didn’t have much of a say in marrying me. Our parents arranged it. But no one controls us now.

Lun, my lover lives with me. With us. Just as my husband’s lover lives with us. It’s like living with my best friends. It’s not just us, though. We live with my sister, Cai, and her husband Dong. And my two baby girls. My husband gave them his name, though he’s never touched me in our marital bed. The world outside thinks they are his.

I don’t know what the people would do if they found out our secret. I still don’t know why they’d care. I’m loved by my husband, even if it’s not in a conventional way. Our house is full of smiles and joy.

And yet I hear the whispers. I see the sneers. I know the women in the village gossip about me. Cai and Lun say it’s because I am happy, and they are not. But Dong and I worry they know our secret and my husband could be in danger. My husband says their whispers don’t matter and we are safe.

And really, I don’t think it matters who’s right. My life is strange, but I’m happy. My family is healthy, and we are together. I think I am one of the luckiest women alive. But the dark corners of my mind wonder how happy I can be in a life built on secrets.