Aegrai

Today is my day. The day I will matter.

Not everyone gets to matter. Some people just return to the dust and never make a difference. I matter though. All my time here, I’ve only ever wanted this, and now I’m ready. I’ve been chosen and I will be able to make such a difference.

Will it hurt? That moment the blade pierces my skin, will I feel it? Or will the gods be waiting and take that pain away?

I’m not afraid. This is what I want. What if I’m not enough? What if I’m not what the gods want? What if it does hurt and I’m not enough? Not everyone who is given the blade for the gods is right. Sometimes the gods are unhappy with our choice and food is scarce or there is a plague.

What if I am the wrong choice?

The women will be here soon to paint my body. I am not afraid. I cannot show fear. I must believe in myself or the gods will reject me.

The blade-wielder has held his position for several seasons. He is wise, but he is no god. His concern isn’t in my pain, or lack thereof. He serves at the pleasure of the gods. And if the gods reject me and their will is my pain…

But no. I will be prepared. The blade will not hurt and I will be welcomed in with the gods.

I smell the incense. The women are near. The scent is intoxicating. I am not afraid. I can feel my worries of the blade fading and they approach. I will not be afraid. I am happy to meet the gods.

I am happy.