Allacal

Today is an exciting day! Cocam’s baby gets her headboards taken off and her beautiful son will get a name and everything will be perfect. She is so lucky. She’s also still very mad at me. I’m married but I am in love with her brother, Lahluic. He is just as in love with me. He refused his marriage and is fully devoted to me. In secret. Cocam is the only one who knows.

Lahluic isn’t in danger, of course. I’m the one from a lowly family. I’m the one that would be outcasted, or worse, killed, but I don’t care. Cocam tells me it would be a scandal for us both and he would be in just as much danger, but I don’t believe her.

My husband’s ill and when he was healthy, he was a cruel man. My only hope is that he dies and Lahluic is able to convince the elders that we should be married. I run my fingers over the dots under my eyes. The scars that prove I’m brave. Some have the marks all over their bodies, the pain and the time it takes to heal shows they are strong. I have two, but I am proud of them.

Cocam is in the distance. Her head is a more beautiful shape than mine. She smiles and the stones in her teeth shine from the sunlight. I have fewer stones in my teeth. She is from a powerful family, but she has never treated me as anything other than an equal. I love her completely.

I also know that she loves me like a blood sister and that’s why she’s so upset about Lahluic and I. It’s not for any shame or dishonor I’d bring to her family. It’s because of the pain it will bring me if we aren’t able to be together.

The sun beats down on me and I can feel my smile trying to leave, but I hold it in place. Today is about Cocam and her new son. Today the boards come off and he gets a name and a place in our tribe. Today is a happy day and it’s not about me. She hugs me awkwardly with one arm as to not jostle her baby and kisses me on the forehead. The smile feels less forced now.

Lahluic appears in the distance that Cocam had appeared from. I feel my heart leap in my chest. He’s here. He smiles at me and I want to run to him.

From the left, my husband staggers toward me. He hasn’t been out of bed in days. I find myself hoping this isn’t an improvement in his health and he just understands the importance of supporting our prominent families. He joined me just as Lahluic reached us. I saw something flicker in his eyes, but he didn’t act out of place. He looked at his sister and ignored me. My disgusting husband leaned on me and almost knocked me down. He smelled of rot and his most recent tattoo oozed something foul.

He slapped me and growled about being upset I didn’t remind him what today was. In my sweetest tone, I explained that I had but he had thrown pottery at me and commanded me not to speak. He slapped me again for reminding him. Even as he slowly died, he was angry and violent. What had I done to end up with this man? What would I have to do to be rid of him?

The fake smile was completely gone by the time the ceremony started. Cocam looked beautiful and she reminded me again of everything I was missing. Love. I had to steal mine and I’d never be happy or complete until I had it freely.