Amabilia

I live in terror. Our community is under attack. Not every day, but every time the enemy is expelled, they hide away for a while and come back.

We fled to our new home a year ago when our village was attacked, and we were burned out. My mother, sister, and both brothers died. It was just me and my father.

My father was killed last summer when our new home was invaded. It seems I’ll be safe nowhere. My cousin, Carina, and her husband, Desiderius, took me in after my father’s murder. She is only a couple of years older than me and I’m lucky to have her at this time. She’s my best friend.

Crashes and knocks in the night wake me up, even when they are just waves or bad weather. I see my father’s face, twisted in pain at the moment of his death, at night when I sleep.

I think Carina believes I’ll be alone forever. I was promised to a man before we fled to this new home. He died and my father never found time to find a new match for me. Now I’m twenty-one and I don’t know if I’ll ever be wed. And no matter, I lie awake all night and would hate to keep someone else up with me.

Or, that’s what I thought until last month. A new group of refugees showed up. They were from a village near the one we fled from before coming here.

Desiderius met Liberius who had lost his entire family before making it here. Desiderius has always had a soft heart and brought the man home. Carina and I met him at the same time and though she seemed worried, I didn’t. He’s good-looking and kind, not that either of those things mean he isn’t evil. But he smiled and I felt safe. Not particularly connected to him or swayed by his lovely eyes, but just, safe. Another man in the house can’t be a bad thing.

However, the month has gone on and over meals and tending to the garden, I think I can safely say there is something about Liberius that I’d like to know better.

Honestly, it seems like it’s a good thing I feel that way because after Carina got over her immediate suspicions, she was ready to marry me off.

It’s dark now. As I lay in my bed, I can feel sleep pulling at me. There are two sides of me at war. If I let someone new into my heart and he dies, how will I deal with that? But what if I find love and feel whole?

I see the way Liberius looks at me. It took me a couple of days to realize it was different than how he looks at Carina. I know he cares about me. He watches me and his smiles reach a little higher when they are for me. There is a sparkle behind his eyes when I smile at him. It makes something in me flutter. I know he feels deeply for me. I suppose it will be up to me to decide if I should let him. As I stare into the darkness, I know that I want to. It’s only the light of day and the fear of attack that keeps my feelings from him.

Perhaps he will make my life worth living. Maybe Liberius can chase away my terror.