Niki's Review: A God in Middle Management by Donn Hess

“The main reason more people aren’t eaten is that they’re disgusting.”

With an opening like that, how can you not keep reading? I’ve never been one that was like ‘hook me in the first sentence’, but if that were a challenge, Hess wins with this one line. Amazing. His sense of humor really does it for me. This book is full of amazing lines like that and they keep the story moving forward and make it a joy to read.

If you like Greek Mythology, this is an amazingly current take on what the gods are up to these days. Have you wondered where they would live and how they’d make money now that they aren’t praised by humans? Well, here you’ll find out. And if you’re like me, you’ll enjoy every second of it. I can’t find anything wrong with this book. There wasn’t anything I didn’t like. The names are so clever. It’s such an interesting take on Greek mythology.

Marty is a borderline alcoholic with an attitude and lack of connections to his world. He was abandoned as a baby, so he never knew his parents and filtered through almost 20 foster homes. Since no one knew his name, he was given the last name ‘Foster’. He doesn’t have a lot of friends, no social life, and a job as an auditor that he’s great at but really doesn’t care about.

Marty stumbles into their world and every move he makes brings him closer to both the truth and mortal danger.

The names the gods go by in present time are just so clever and this is one of those stories you read and it’s so well-grounded, that by the time you’re thrown into an epic office battle to the death with zombies on one side and vermin that have been morphed into humans where they destroy the entire floor, you’re completely on board.

**Spoilers Below**

The story follows Marty. He’s a 30-something boring auditor…or is he? A foster child who went through almost 20 homes before becoming an adult. Marty has synesthesia, meaning he can smell emotions or character or other things that shouldn’t have smells.

He’s offered a job at UlysCo, a big firm in the Big Apple and though he intended to turn down the job, he heads out because they are paying for his hotel and booze, so why not check out New York.

But it turns out they know his secret. He embezzled thousands ($63,049 to be exact) from his current employer and the money sits in an offshore account. Interestingly enough, they don’t really seem to care about the ill-gotten gains and use it more as blackmail to get him to stay.

They quit Marty’s job for him and convince him he has to work for them. Rooting out a spy, they say. What choice does he have? He can’t go home, or they will rat on him about the stolen cash. So, he looks at the books. The rival company, Pomegranate, certainly looks like they have the same information as UlysCo.

After the weird ‘interview’, he gets hammered at a ‘shady’ bar (he says these are his favorite). He’s outside peeing when someone demands he come with him. Much to Marty’s surprise, it’s his new boss from UlysCo, Mr. Remus. He attacks Marty who beats the hell out of him before escaping back to his hotel room where he discovers he’s suddenly grown a beard and is starving. So, naturally, he orders a bottle of wine and a steak. As he chews into the meat, his tooth breaks off and he abandons both to the floor before realizing the tooth has grown back. The broken-off one is still sticking out of the discarded steak.

Unsure what else to do, he drinks some more wine and calls Father Eric Lambert, a priest that he met as a child and was one of the only constants in his life. Father Lambert has also been trying to help treat Marty’s synesthesia with frequent blood tests. Father Lambert warns Marty not to eat or drink anything at UlysCo and seems very upset he went to the interview after saying he wasn’t interested in the job.

The next morning as he’s looking to run away, the secretary from UlysCo, Sarah Schie, is waiting in the lobby to fetch him for work. He tries to leave, but she insists. She drags him to the office where she explains that their “unorthodox research process” means they “gut live animals and divine the future by picking through their entrails,” and she takes him to a room where he can witness it firsthand. That’s right. They eviscerate the birds and play with their entrails for stock information.

When he gets back to his hotel, Father Lambert is waiting for him. They mused over the name and the entrail examination before the Father retired upstairs to his room. Marty went to the bar where he found Summer. One of the Pigeon killers from UlysCo. She hands him his drink of choice and they drink together and then go up to Marty’s room. While hooking up, Marty realizes she is a virgin and after the deed, she says her goodbyes and walks out.

Then Marty hears screaming. Summer is dead, legs sticking out of the elevator and the doors keep trying to close on them. Aneurysm, someone says. Father Lambert is with her and mentions that she’s cold. Which means she’s been dead for a while.

I mean, WTF? Right? This is why I couldn’t stop reading this. Anyway…back to it.

The next day at work, he begins is ‘audit’. He interviews several people. On his list to interview is Summer. He has to act like he doesn’t know her, and everyone wonders where she is. The interviews lead nowhere, and he suggests a meeting with Pomegranate.

After work, he ditches Father Lambert and wanders through town until a young-looking guy, Cooper, convinces him to come into his shop. They go to the backroom and meet a woman, Nona, and have a strange meeting where the two discuss who Marty is. They start to explain but his synesthesia kicks in, and there is a tussle, and he runs away.

Father Lambert finds him and admits that he didn’t meet Marty as a young child. He met him as a baby. When his father came to Father Lambert to give him up. And his father, Father Lambert tells Marty, was Hermes. You know. Hermes. The god. Hermes.

Marty is a Demigod.

Sure, Demigods have existed before, but none have ever lived as long as Marty without going insane. Hence, all the recent interest in him.

It turns out Nona is the goddess of fate. But she’s not the only goddess Marty’s been in contact with. Sarah Schie? Circe. She can turn animals into people. So well, that’s what the company is staffed with.

Father Lambert leaves Marty with a helpful book to help him understand his situation and identify who everyone is. The book? The Children’s Anthology of World Myths.

The next day, Circe and Marty are off to Pomegranate, run by a Harry Dietz and his wife Paris Safani. You know, Hades and Persephone. No big. Oh, except things fall apart rather quickly when Persephone orders her minions to kill them. So, oops.

Circe and Marty manage to escape, and it’s revealed that Father Lambert is an alchemist who has been using Marty for his powerful blood.

Another scuffle ensues, Marty runs and ends up back with Cooper (who is Cupid, haha. He’s a general who’s super good at fighting, but really doesn’t want to be called Cupid) and Nona. They explain who the Gods are and how things work. They also tell him Summer killed herself by sleeping with him. When she was ‘created’ she had to stay ‘pure’ to stay alive. So, what she did, she did to end a long existence that otherwise wouldn’t end.

Though they don’t consider themselves ‘Gods’ they do live a long time. But they can die. Apparently, human war has killed a lot of the Gods off. Humans no longer see them as Gods because they’ve become so powerful themselves.

Marty is causing fear in the immortal world because he can borrow other’s powers and use them against them. Plus, he’s the only one of his kind and they aren’t super trusting to newcomers. That, and he’s completely ignorant to who he is.

During the conversation, Circe sends Marty a picture of a captive Father Lambert and a threat to kill him. Though the man betrayed Marty, he was the only person in Marty’s life, and he wants to save him. Before they can come up with a plan, they are approached by a corpse. Hades found them. He can talk through the dead guy. But he’s not the only corpse walking around. Summer joins them. Turns out she’s dead, but not exactly gone.

Summer and Hades offer to join Marty, Nona, and Cooper to attack Circe and save Father Lambert. While the Gods don’t want to kill off any more of their kind, they don’t always get along. Persephone isn’t on Hades' side here. She thinks Marty is evil and should die.

Circe’s side and Marty’s side meet and there is an all-out brawl with zombies and animals turned human and they just absolutely wreck this office. And there was some serious office destruction and for anyone that’s ever worked in an office, it was amazingly therapeutic to read.

Eventually, Father Lambert’s side joins and shows how powerful the blood they ‘borrow’ can be. They have turned it into pills, and it gives them powers similar to the blood they used.

The battle was really fun and exciting to read.

The battle rages on and in the end, Marty is able to save Father Lambert and there aren’t any real significant losses on any side. Marty and Summer become a couple and there is a surprisingly upbeat and hopeful ending. It was quite nice.

And that’s the end. As I said, this book was an enjoyable and fast read. I really loved the concept and the writing just grabbed and held my intentions.

Donn Hess is a great author and I've enjoyed everything I have read of his. Feel free to check out his website, and the book is available at the link above!